Well, I both do and don't want to write this post, so maybe I'll compromise and publish it in short form.
For those of you who are a bit squeamish, here's the REALLY short version: I slipped on my bike, bagged myself on the crossbar, and had a couple ultrasounds to check things out. I'm fine.
Tuesday last week, at approximately 5:30 in the morning, I'm waiting for the red light to turn green at the intersection of Dundas and Kingston Road. For some reason I'd unclipped my left foot, which I never do, so when the light turns green it's my left foot (not my usual right one) that I'm trying to clip back in. My foot slides immediately off the pedal, and with my right leg bent (and therefore not supporting any weight), my body slams down hard on the crossbar of my bike, crushing my "boy's parts" in between crossbar and upper body.
So it hurts. Undeniably it hurts, but I seem to remember getting sacked hurting a lot more back when I was a kid.
Wincing off the pain I start riding, pedalling my way up Kingston Road. The pain fades away and I figure I'm okay. The two hours to Oshawa pass by uneventfully, although I do worry a couple times that I'm feeling a strange "flow" in my cycling shorts. I put this off as just my imagination and pedal on to the university and head, like I always do, straight to the gym and the locker room.
Here's where things got worrying, and here's where I'll start editing out how scary this really was for me. My cycling shorts were stained with blood. The blood turned out to be coming out of the part of a boy's body that he REALLY NEVER wants to see blood coming out of (and this is not an external cut... the blood is coming out of my urethral orifice). So I clean up at the gym, but I'm peeing blood that morning. I visit campus health that afternoon. Because the blood in my urine has been decreasing during the day, the doc figures I'm probably okay, but decides to send me for prostrate and testes ultrasounds anyway. Those happened Friday last week and this Monday. I got a call today saying the ultrasounds look fine, which confirms my thoughts that I'm fine, because I haven't seen any more blood since Wednesday last week.
And that, if you're a sleepy dumbass like me, is how you sack yourself with a Cannondale.
I wonder what the dumbest thing guys like Lance, Eddy Merckx, Indurain and Hinault ever did on a bike was?