Sunday, December 10, 2006

You know you're a cyclist when...

The petition to promote cycling in Canada is up over 2200 names! Let's force the Feds to come out and say that they want more bike commuters on the road!

I've had a bunch of "you know you're a cyclist when..." ideas in my head for a while now, and I've finally decided to write them up. Out of curiousity though I just googled this phrase to see what's out there, and there are some good ones:
At Bicycle Trip in Santa Cruz I like - When someone asks for advice on buying a bike, you either:
a) ask, "How many thousands do you want to spend?"
b) assail them with so many questions about intended use, riding style and the like, not to mention such personal questions as pubic bone height, that you make buying a bicycle sound like rocket science and unintentionally put them off the idea.

When that same person reacts by saying, "It's only a bicycle," your jaw drops and your eyes bug out

And at some weird Polish wiki I like both these:
your first inclination upon hearing the numbers 36x24x35, is that it's a funky new triple chainring setup offered by Shimano, instead of the measurements of the hottest Playmate of the Month.

your wife says "if you buy another bike I'm going to leave you" and you think "I guess I'm going to miss her."

So, if you're bored, do a google search and you'll find lots of pages on this theme, but here are the ones that have been in my head for a while:

You know you're a cyclist when...

  • Walking out the door in normal clothes, instead of your cycling gear, is a strange, foreign experience

  • When you see a roadie going by you first check out their bike, and then their legs, to see if you could take him (or her)

  • Anything that makes you lose momentum better get ready for a few choice swear words

  • When a newbie says something like "is my butt ever sore from yesterday's ride" old memories get stirred up and your eyes mist a little bit. "Oh yeah," you think. "Some people's butt hurts from cycling - I'd forgotten all about that."

  • You've cursed headwinds so many times, in such unbelievably foul language, that you really deserve to have your mouth washed out with soap for the rest of your life

  • Your heart deflates faster than your tire when you look down and realize that you're flatting

  • You wish that more people had flagpoles on their lawns, because you need to check flags to confirm your suspicion that you're not just fat and out of shape, but rather that you're biking into the worst headwind the planet has ever seen, and even Lance himself would be tempted to dismount and walk the rest of the way home

  • You've ridden through large patches of broken glass - unable to avoid them because of traffic - wishing with every ounce of your being, that you could pound the s#*t out of the f#$&*n as$#%*e that caused the glass to be there

  • Despite the fact that you're a cycling God with cut legs and a trim physique, there have been times when you've bitten off way more than you can chew, and upon getting back into the city you have VERY HAPPILY drafted an 80 year old guy on an old creaking beater in order to make it back to your apartment

  • It's been years since you felt self conscious about standing in line at a little country bakery wearing your helmet, Oakley's, tight jersey and shorts and clickety clackety shoes

  • You've taken small bumps by momentarily moving your weight from saddle to pedals so many times that you don't even notice doing it anymore

  • You've experienced that bitter irony of cycling - when you're on the road suffering through a ride that you really had no business attempting, and every part of your body is screaming "GET US HOME RIGHT GODDAMN NOW!!!! You realize that there really is no way to get home but to just keep pedalling, "surviving" more than "cycling" your way back to your front door

So those are mine - there are probably tons I've forgot, let me know what yours are.


Ben said...


I can especially relate to the ones about swearing. I love swearing while biking. It is so liberating!

Anonymous said...

too funny. if i can come up with any i post them.

the petition is doing great!

Core said...

Stellar list. I think I used about 90% of them this afternoon!